A loosely edited rambling from my free-write journal:
People these days want to rush through everything. There’s speed reading. There’s speed dating. There are speed-eating contests. We are willing to get tickets for speeding in the streets. Everything has to be fast and accessible. We can’t seem to slow down. We’re mad when the internet is slow. When the DMV line is slow. When the people walking in from of you are going too slow. We want everything to happen fast while the time is still young. While we are still young.
We think that everything we do must achieve overnight success. Pick up new things and then drop them when we get discouraged. The present moment is never enough. We either need the next thing or remain idle and be haunted by our past. The present moment is always there but is never given proper attention. Everybody cares too much about the future and never forgives what is to be left behind in the past. We start to define each other by a shortlist of actions and not by character. Mistakes are now definable traits.
We all want to be better at the cost of not accepting who we are. Not strong enough. Not attractive enough. Not smart enough. Not successful enough. It’s never enough. Our thoughts shape who we are. You set your own limitations. Nobody can touch the fact that you are becoming your own version of perfection. It may be a complete antithesis to the values of others. One person’s dreams can seem like a waste of time to another.
Nietzsche never saw envy as a sin, but as a vital instrument for figuring out your own deep-rooted desires. Whoever you envy you want to have a life more similar to. Find what you envy in someone else and truly analyze it to discover why those feelings blossom. Then give yourself permission to chase that kind of life. And don't care for what anyone has to say about your journey.
I allow encouragement to get to my head as much as criticism. I overly empathize with how people see me. I have trouble abandoning the concept of caring what other people think. To somebody else, I’ll always either be too young or too old. Too smart or too stupid. Too broke or too rich. Even if my personal thoughts are outweighed by those of other people in my life, none hold more power than my own. And because of that, I can decide that I am enough.